Chapter Twenty-Seven

Geriatric Tours, I am sure that Maureen booked her twice a year coach holidays to get away from me. Yeh, when I was head of year at Leon School I organised coach trips all over over Europe but that is all in the past. I really did not see myself joining a 'bus full of fellow old age pensioners zimmering their way here, there and everywhere.

Didn't we have a lovely time the day we went to Bangor
A beautiful day,
We had lunch on the way and all for under a pound you know
But on the way back I cuddled with
Jack and we opened a bottle of cider
Singing a few of our favourite songs as the wheels went around
Do you recall the thrill of it all as we walked along the sea grand
Then on the sand we heard a brass
Band that played the Diddlely-Bump-Terrara
Elsie and me had one cup of tea then we took a Paddler boat out
Splashing away as we sat on the bay and the wheels went 'round
Didn't we have a lovely time the day we went to Bangor
A beautiful day,
We had lunch on the way and all for under a pound you know
But on the way back I cuddled with
Jack and we opened a bottle of cider
Singing a few of our favourite songs as the wheels went around
Wasn't it nice,
Eating chocolate ice as we strolled around the fun-fair
Then we ate eels in big ferris wheels
As we sailed around the ground but then
We had to be quick 'cause Elsie felt
Sick and we had to find somewhere to take her
I said to her lad, what made her feel bad was the wheel going 'round
Didn't we have a lovely time the day we went to Bangor
A beautiful day,
We had lunch on the way and all for under a pound you know
But on the way back I cuddled with
Jack and we opened a bottle of cider
Singing a few of our favourite songs as the wheels went around
Elsie and me, we finished our tea and said goodbye to the seaside
Got on the bus, Flo said to us, oh isn't it a shame to go
Wouldn't it be grand to have cash on
Demand and to live like this for always
Oh it makes me feel ill,
When I think of the mill and the wheels goin' 'round
Didn't we have a lovely time the day we went to Bangor
A beautiful day,
We had lunch on the way and all for under a pound you know
But on the way back I cuddled with
Jack and we opened a bottle of cider
Singing a few of our favourite songs as the wheels went around.

Thank you Fiddlers Dram but it's not quite me.

While Maureen was away Rebekah and I would always go out for an evening meal. However, on occasion when Maureen was away Beck was taken very ill so I was running backwards to hospital.

Maureen enjoyed her coach holidays which were organised by Shearings Holiday. You will have seen their iconic blue coaches going up and down the motorway.

A little while after Rebekah died Shearings came up with a beautiful idea to name some of their coaches after people, the directors asked for its holiday makers to come up with nominations. Maureen put forward Rebekah. Two coaches were to be named Coach Tom and Coach Rebekah.

We were invited to a naming ceremony and to spend a day at the company's headquarters. What a lovely day that was. What a beautiful company Shearings is. Shearings Leisure Group where happiness travels.

Shearings Head Office is at Wigan Pier. Four of us went to Wigan to represent Rebekah and the naming of her coach, Maureen and myself with doggies Lucy and Jake.

Shearings please forgive me for teasing about Geriatric Tours, just a bit of fun.

Shearings, Destiny smiled as she turned the tables !

The company put out a press release release. An internet radio station by the name of CRMK picked it up. I was invited to appear on a programme to talk about Rebekah and the love of Shearings. The show was hosted by Mike Barry, the programme controller. We played that Fiddlers Dram song at the top of this chapter.

Next thing I know I am presenting my own show each week on the station. That single show became two shows, became three shows, became five shows. Every morning Monday to Friday 6am to 8am the world could listen to – wait for it – THE GERIATRIC DJ !

THANK YOU SHEARINGS !

Seriously, THANK YOU SHEARINGS for your loving kindness. Maureen still holidays with happiness on your coaches. Now she goes three, even four times a year to get away from me.

Some times I play Fiddlers Dram on the radio but more often I play Jasper Carrot !

Didn't we have a miserable time the day we went to Blackpool

An 'orrible day, we got drunk on the way

And spent our money on chips and bingo

Hour after hour we spent in a bar and we drank a barrel of cider

And on the way back I was sick over Jack And the rain came down

Oh, do you recollect the havoc we wrecked as we vandalised the sea front

Sydney the punk, he lost a chunk from his head when he nutted a parking meter

I'll never forget all the fish that we eat as we staggered round the fairground

We distributed eels from the big ferris wheel And the rain came down

Oh, do you recall the thrill of it all as we organised a gang bang

Under the pier, a bottle of beer and an inflatable doll called Vinyl Vera

It ruptured the two at the front of the queue and then it came to my turn

But I couldn't begin 'cause the tide had come in And the rain came down

Oh, Eric and Sid, they bet us a quid they could climb the Blackpool Tower

Newcastle brown made Eric fall down, we carried him into a Wimpy bar

Sydney threw up right into his cup and we had to call the waiter

Then Eric was ill right all over his bill And the rain came down

Oh, Eric and me, we wanted a pee, so we climbed upon the bandstand

We recycled booze all over our shoes and quite a lot over the band as well

We jumped into our car but we didn't get far 'cause a policeman waved us down

We must have been out of our brain 'cause we came down by train

And the rain came down

Didn't we have a miserable time the day we went to Blackpool

An 'orrible day, we got drunk on the way

And spent our money in magistrates fines

We stood in the dock 'till at least three o'clock and the jury found us guilty

We were fined two and six 'cause the judge was half pissed

And the rain came down And the rain came down